it's been a long time since i really talked to someone. i miss sharing that closeness with a friend. remember when you were small, how you used to lie down on the bed with your sister (in my instance it was a cousin) and just talked and talked about nothing and everything until you both fell asleep? and in school, after the lights were off, you talked to the person next to you in the dark, just talking and talking till you're both too sleepy to keep your eyes open? or that time when you had someone who really cared for you, and you felt this need for talking, you called him up and just talked till you fell asleep holding the phone? (and you weren't sure if you'd said goodbye properly, heh) friendship, when you are a child, is uncomplicated. as you grow older, it becomes precious. you learn to differentiate between friend and foe. as you grow even more older, it becomes harder and harder to have close friends. always, i find myself moving on from one group of friends to another. but the last time i could claim to have close friends was three years ago. and i'm doubtful that i will have close friends again. i'm doubtful that i will ever find another soul i can call my best friend. it seems to me my time for having real friends has passed. i've entered the stage where friends are those i have common interests with, and the only thing that distinguish them from my acquaintances is my knowledge of their last names and where they're from. i know that's not much, and it might even be unhealthy, but this is something i've decided i've to live with. often, i think and remind myself of this: lillahi ta'ala. i hope that's what my life is.