Ximar

talk about relationships being complicated. your own friends can be so stupid sometimes. i always believe that when you call people your friends, you accept them with all their faults. but that does not mean that they can excuse themselves everytime they hurt your feelings. especially if they keep repeating doing the same thing no matter how many times you remind them not to. i hate seeing one of my friends upset because of another friend. how selfish can you be that you keep ignoring a friend's feelings? i don't care if you're a guy or a girl, just be sensitive to people you call your friends. remember that although in God's eyes everyone is equal, you cannot treat everyone equally. the word is fair. treat everyone fairly. being fair is different from being equal. being fair does not mean you treat everyone by one general standard, it means treating each individual person the way that person deserves to be treated, uniquely. how hard is it to get that through that thick skull of yours?

nabe's minesweeper best times

beginner : 4 seconds
intermediate : 23 seconds
expert : 97 seconds

been trying since last summer to break vyshali's 96 seconds in expert. my best before today was 112 seconds. yeah! almost there!

i'm so lazy. i don't want to go to classes, all i want to do is sleep. so much to do though. fall registration is next week and i haven't declared my major or find an advisor yet. i also have to pay for the flight ticket home, haven't figured out how to do that yet. have tons of bills to pay, i don't know where i'm going to get the money for that. urghhh... dilemma of being a procrastinator and a money-spender. the only good thing that's been happening is that the weather's been mild. guess i can say that spring is finally here. islamic awareness week is coming up soon. which can only mean, more work and more work.

i feel horrible and i feel like an idiot. not that i ever feel any different, but when you have the evidence on tape, it just makes it worse. seriously, i hate talking in front of, and for the, unknown. i can talk all i want, about everything that is necessary (although sometimes it still is difficult) to people i know. but in front of strangers, i become tounge-tied. stumble on the words, screw up the grammar.

such nice day, it has to be a sin not to go outside at all. i can't believe spring break is almost over. i haven't really done much of my school work yet.

if mr. bush is wrong, and mr. saddam is wrong, and the rest of the world is doing nothing, how can things change for the better?

such fine weather puts me in such a good mood. i felt like skipping on my way back from the meeting with paul stanton's. i heard that tomorrow's the last fine day we're gonna have for the next two weeks. it's unfortunate that i'll have to spend the whole day cooped up inside the library. i'm not gonna complain about the job though, it was very kind of richard to offer me the hours since he figured i could use the money to buy ticket home this summer. i guess i'm gonna go ahead and purchase the ticket, i hope to god the war will be done by then. although our beloved mr. bush has tried to assure us it'll be a quick assault, i fear the contrary. if this thing keeps dragging on, urgh... i just don't want to imagine. my sister just got her driving license. darn but i feel stupid. i had to go through the test twice before i got mine. she passed with the flying stars and all. by the way, the amount of food that i have consumed today is disgusting. i better start fasting soon.

before tonight, i never really saw the war with iraq really happening. i mean seriously, this would not the first time the us threatens to wage a war on the country. i bet one third of college students in this country have done the game tree of war between iraq and us. it's an old story, but apparently this bush boys are fond of it. it is still hard for me to imagine that the war is really going to happen. can you imagine what the iraqis must be feeling right now after hearing that delightful speech by mr. bush? the closest experience i have with war was listening to my grandmother's bedtime stories when i was eight or nine and listening to sara talked about her experience during the iran-iraq war. many nations are against the war, i never thought the us would go ahead into the war field with only great britain and israel by it's side. i've no doubt that israel will be directly involve in the war. the last time in the gulf war israel had blundered pretty bad, the us couldn't afford to offend the other countries in the region more by having israel involve its own military weapons and army in the war. but this time, there's no real excuse for the us to tell the israel no, you can't go into the war. they might even need every help they can get, what with turkey not helping and all. just imagine how it will look like to the rest of the world seeing the us and israel fighting side by side (lets put great britain aside for a second) against a country where majority of the people are muslims. it won't be everyone's favourite picture, no doubt about it. i also cannot imagine the liberalized nation that our mr. bush has promised the iraqi people. nation-building in afghanistan is not really what i would call complete and exemplary yet. if the us has yet to prove itself in helping afghanistan, how can it guarantee a stabil nation in iraq after the war. god knows election after election supported, sponsored and funded by the us in several other middle eastern countries never succeeded in putting an honest regime in power. if anything they only further destabilized the countries. how are the people supposed to trust the government if every regime comes to power only to be thrown off by just another military coup? saddam hussein can be thrown out of the country but how will the us make sure that another saddam hussein won't come to power? there're enough puppets in the world, we don't need another one in iraq. given time, i believe saddam hussein will eventually come out of power. the iraqis are like gas in a tube, just waiting to blow up given enough pressure. look what happened with the palestinians. the first intifada only happened after sixteen years being under israel army's suppression. people want to be free and claim their rights, they only need the right nudge for them to finally act. i believe this war that the us wants to wage on iraq will only distort the political development in the middle east, in iraq particularly. however, these are just my naive, unprofessional views, all subject to change. in no way are they to be hold against me or what i do and say in the future.

i like this:

... There is a rumor that spring exists in Boston, but it passes by every year before anyone gets a chance to really enjoy it. However brief, the breezy, sunny pause between frigid winter and sweltering summer is one of the most exciting times to visit the city: aside from Lilac Sunday at the Arnold Arboretum, there's the cursed Red Sox opening their season at Fenway Park and the world's best runners enduring the Boston Marathon. The Marathon is always run on Patriot's Day, which also brings reenactments of various colonial events and a traditional morning game at Fenway Park...

from let's go

kelantan kalahkan penang 3-2 ... *grin* ... sorry, i find that quite a laugh. gomo kelate gomo!

i had a really good time. went out with anand and zamir to dinner then movie, and i had a really good time. it's been months since we last saw each other. there's a basketball court right across the street behind this muslim unit. one of the reasons i wanted to live here so much was so that i could go there whenever i want, so that i wouldn't have an excuse not to work out my limbs. unfortunately, things didn't quite work out the way i pictured they would. never once have i stepped inside the court. oh, i have passed by it a few times, but never really bothered to go out buy a ball and throw some shots. however, i have decided that some things need changing. heh, me and my resolutions. i need to be in a good shape by summer time. got some fat to shed off. some muscles to build up. i'm beginning to think that i'm a pathetic case, trying to be someone i'm not and feeling like i need to prove myself to people when i really don't.

i set out to buy bedsheet for my bed yet again, and ended up buying a pair of arm bands instead. my shopping expeditions never seem to turn out the way i want them too. a pair of arm bands for thirteen dollars. when it prolly cost less than a dollar to make 'em. and just when i need to save money to go home too. what can i say, the tide is working against me. huma finally told me that i'll be in the muslim unit again next year, and she's gonna put me in a single too. which is great. the only thing that bothers me is that she's putting the guys on the third floor and i'll be on the second floor. so i guess i can't move as freely in the house as i am right now. i'm keeping my fingers cross, hoping i'll be the house manager next year. but then again, maybe the whole system will change once the new islamic center starts functioning. diah and i are working on a small project right now, trying to hold a small class for kids on saturdays. i really don't think it's that much big of a deal, but some people seem to think so. i mean, what's there really to think? just find a couple of kids, a couple of student volunteers, a kid-friendly area, some basic teaching material and walla, we should be able to start. i don't think we're trying to accomplish much, the least that this class can do is allow the parents some breathing time and the kids and students to have some fun. we're not talking about a formal class with twenty students or so, we're talking about babysitting five to seven kids while trying to teach them basic islamic manners like sitting down when you hear azan, being quiet while in a mosque, saying bismillah before every action, that kind of things. or maybe i' m being oblivious to the necessary details that need to be taken care.

last night i was introduced to the delights of cuban music. buena vista social club is definitely a treasure. such a simple documentary but it really touches deep. my favourite guy is compay segundo, he has amazing voice and he looks like nana patekar the hindi actor. favourite song of the day - candela.

ijerq's due on the 20th??? scaaaaaaaaaaary... four years ago we were both in love with the same person (pak yem daa...) and anytime now she is about to have her own baby. tell me, when did that happen? i bet if i talk to pak yem now, he'll be like, "aik, tak sangka plak saya bontot gajah dulu yang advance dari orang lain." hehehe... <-- me entertaining the thought of calling pak yem. anyway, i was just wondering. do people talk to themselves? because i do. a lot. in fact, everytime i walk by myself i talk to moi. it started as a way to ward off the cold. and now i guess it has become a habit. it must be funny to see me walking muttering to myself. i'm so used to being by myself (man, that sounds lonely) that me and myself seem to be different entities. there's me, and there's myself. so i, would talk to myself. ok, i give up. i'm not making any sense. this is what happens when it's six in the morning and i can't go back to sleep. what am i supposed to do? no one is up yet. i'm bored. please people, wake up. talk to me!

i'm in the mood to talk about older guys who hit on -a-lot-younger-than-them women. so... i have to say that i, for one, do not understand what their motives are. well, ok, so it's a bit naive to claim that. but seriously, what are they trying to achieve??? i mean, hello?!?! how many decent girls do you actually think will be interested in having relationships with men old enough for them to call pakcik? granted, i've done some pretty stupid things myself (who else would go out shopping in klang with a stanger she just met in seksyen 17 shah alam??? well, in the first place, who the heck goes shopping in klang???) i've had enough experience with older guys hitting on me to make me feel like screaming, "what the heck do you want?!" the next time i come across one. ok, maybe i look older than i really am, but surely not THAT old (work with me here peeps ;c) ) am i just a piece of entertainment for these people then? something for them to mess around with when they're bored and have nothing better to do? coz i really don't see the whole point of it. if someone can just come forward and offer a few lines of sensible explanation of why i have to go through and put up with all these annoyances every so often, i'd feel forever in debt with that someone.

oh... my... god... they're gonna have cowboy bebop: the movie released in april!!! how exciting is that??? very!!! how come i didn't know about it earlier? man, i'm so far behind in everything that's happening in both this world and the other.

went to see chicago with d & d. it's an interesting piece of entertainment to say the very least but somewhat disappointing work of art. i think the play is better, but then it's not really fair to compare coz they're different types of media, so they're working with different kinds of actors/actresses, audience, props, budgets and stuff. whatever. i'm just so hungry i can eat a cow. just ordered food from near east cafe but they say it's gonna take between forty-five minutes to an hour for them to get here. just how many people are actually hungry and ordering food at midnight i wonder? eating after midnight reminds me of the movie gremlins, know how you're not supposed to feed them after midnight or they'll turn from cute little pets into monsters. i think it works the opposite way with me. don't feed me and i'll turn into a monster. feed me and i'll be gentle as a lamb. hehehe... finally booked my ticket home. so yes, i'll be going home on the twenty-sixth of june and will come back on the twenty-second of august. almost two months at home. wonder if it's enough time to visit everyone. or if it's too much time i'll be ready to kill myself after three weeks. i can't wait to go home now. just talking to my youngest sister on the phone is now enough to make me feel homesick for a day. talking of my lil' sister, she's down with a fever and my mom is keeping her company at home. damn those two are inseparable!

i had thought we had seen the last of it this year. never imagined it would snow again. yesterday it felt almost like spring was already here. why the snow has to come down today and spoil everything i have no idea. i'm not even dressed for the weather and i won't be home until almost midnight. sucks.

tufts is a jewish school, i've no doubt about it. i personally have nothing against jews. it buffles me then that everytime i learn someone is a jew, i would experience an initial shock. i'll be like, "oh!" then, "you're jewish?" as if saying, "are you sure you're jewish?" kinda stupid i know, and i've no explanation for it either.

yeh zameen rhuk jaaye, aasmaan jhuk jaaye
this very earth stops, the sky bows down
tera chehra jab nazar aaye
when your face comes to view
ho, tera chehra jab nazar aaye
oh, when your face comes to view
tu ijaazat de agar
if you give me permission
tujhse thoda pyaar main kar loon, jaane jaan
i'll love you a little, dear (jaane jaan literally means life's life)
baith mere saamne
sit before me
khaali dil khaali nazar bhar loon, jaane jaan
i'll fill my empty heart, empty eyes, dear
tu khafa ho jaaye, raat abhi ho jaaye
if you get mad at me, night will come right now
bin tere aanchal mein chhup jaaye, chhup jaaye
without you in a scarf i hide, i hide
yeh zameen rhuk jaaye, aasmaan jhuk jaaye
this very earth stops, the sky bows down
tera chehra jab nazar aaye
when your face comes to view
ho, tera chehra jab nazar aaye
oh, when your face comes to view
tu agar keh de mujhe
if you tell me to
chaand bhi le aaoon jaane jaan, jaane jaan
i'll even bring you the moon dear, dear
ek taara maang le
ask for one star
aasmaan le aaoon jaane jaan, jaane jaan
i'll bring you the sky itself dear, dear
yaad tu jab jaaye, neend bhi le jaaye
when your memory comes to mind, it even takes my sleep away
khwaabon ke jungle mein chhup jaaye, chhup jaaye
in a jungle of dreams i hide, i hide
yeh zameen rhuk jaaye, aasmaan jhuk jaaye
this very earth stops, the sky bows down
tera chehra jab nazar aaye
when your face comes to view
ho, tera chehra jab nazar aaye
oh, when your face comes to view

beautiful song by adnan sami khan, lyrics by, whoelse but sameer. currently, i also enjoy listening to penn masala's chammak challo.

if you're going to be a great parent, then you should have a lot of kids, so that more kids can say that they have great parents. but i guess it also works the other way around. if you're not going to be a good parent, then don't add to the number of kids that will say they have horrible parents. i don't mean great or bad parents in the sense of how others judge you. but good or bad in the amount of efforts you put into parenting, the way you carry yourself around your children so that they can learn some good things from you, the way you can be an example to them in certain situations. and also (it seems a little bit unfair, even for me, to say this), by how well you can provide for them; spiritually, emotionally and physically, or materialistically. if you're living in poverty, i don't think it's right for you to bring a child into this world and subject the child to the horror of it. that's one way of thinking about it. on the other hand, it's unfair to deny the poor-strickens the joys of parenthood. although i doubt you'll have much time to enjoy it when you barely survive living. well, it is a complicated world and no one way can work for everyone. or is there?

islam is the way.

i went out to get a bedsheet for my "queen bed", but the store i wanted to go to in central square was closed. so i crossed the street, went over to payless shoe source instead, and bought myself three pairs of shoes!!! i like the shoes, so i don't really regret buying them. but if the bedsheet store had been opened, it would have saved me thirty five dollars. urgh...

i spent half of the day yesterday cleaning and rearranging my room. glad to finally get that out of the way. this whole week off icc has been really great. at least it gives me time to catch up with what i've been missing in classes. usman finally sent an email last night scheduling a meeting tonight. so it all begins again. we're running out of time, really. there's still about ten thousand needs to be raised and it's less than a month to the deadline. maybe i should have gone to the bush lecture the other day. who knows, i might have been able to persuade issam fares himself to sponsor our project. right... in my dreams. i wouldn't be able to pass through security anyway. i doubt we'd be able to pull that much money in such a short time, but perhaps we can persuade the school to cover half of the cost of renovation with us. or see if noureddine can find people who will bring the cost down. those are things to look at in tonight's meeting.

went to tasa cultural show, and i'm glad to say that there was a lot less skin showing this year. it wasn't surprising i guess to see all the people from my hindi class on the stage. i should start thinking about participating too. not dancing of course, but i can do singing. hehehe... although half of the audience will prolly be gone by the time i finish messing with the mic. anyway, we went to dhaba afterwards. and surprisingly, we got amir to talk about his old love. i just think that it's funny how we can never really know enough about our own friends. well, amir ji shed a few light on how you can tell if a person likes you. i'm not sharing =)