Ximar

the more i read about the US and Israel's responses after the assassination of Sheikh Yassin, the more i kept repeating the above phrase. last year i would have thought that progress seemed possible in the region, but now the future pretty much seems bleak. that part of the world is doomed to be the failure of humanity for decades to come, or at least while sharon is still in power.

sometime before break a jewish kid wrote to the daily's viewpoint about how he feels unsafe at tufts. he feels threatened, just because he's a jew.
welcome to my world, buddy. welcome to my world.

Hishammuddin Tun Hussein named the new Minister of Education. An interesting development, wouldn't you agree?

we helped d & d moved today. they couldn't have picked a better day, the weather was amazing. it was nice to be outside the whole day. which also meant that i was on my feet the whole day. i'm pleasantly tired now, shouldn't have any trouble falling asleep. just gotta wash my feet first. i'm telling you, there's nothing like clean feet before bedtime :)

semalam mimpi banyak benda. tapi ada satu tu, aku mimpi pak yem. tak ingat sangat apa jadik, tapi dlm mimpi tu aku kat sekolah rendah. dekat tepi kelas budak2 darjah satu. tapi aku bukan budak darjah satu la, dah besar dah. masa tu ada ramai org kat koridor. lepas tu loceng abis sekolah bunyik. aku nampak pak yem, tapi tak sempat nak bercakap ngan dia. ramai sangat orang, so aku tertolak ke belakang, and pak yem tertolak ke arah lagi satu. aku tak ingat samada dia cakap ke tak, tapi aku tahu dia nak cakap yang aku dah lama tak cakap ngan dia, so we should sit down and talk. honestly, aku tak tahu apsal aku hang up sangat ngan pak yem. tapi ayah aku kata, memang susah nak cari chegu macam dia. kalau ada 10 orang chegu macam pak yem, dia kata, cemerlang la budak2. aku pon rasa mcm gitu. chegu2 math kat sekolah dulu, semua jenis yg tak nak terima orang cakap "saya tak buleh buat". dia paksa and dia paksa, sampai aku tak percaya yang aku dapat buat apa yang selama ni aku tak percaya aku akan dapat buat. paham ke? tapi tu la cerita nya.

i woke up feeling as if i hadn't slept at all. i don't know why i was so restless last night. i kept waking up every few seconds. my eyes were closed, but so many thoughts were racing through my head. i don't even know which were real thoughts and which were dreams. it's not good, we're supposed to help diah and dewi move their stuff today. i'm gonna be dead tired man.

a back massage would feel particularly good right now.

neel introduced me to chole bhatoore today. it's so good, i can get hooked on that stuff.

i was just thinking how the world and each day in it is a gift. sometimes i tend to forget that. i get so occupied with things that sometimes i forget to look up at the sky and appreciate god's creation. i forget to look at the younger kids and remember that i owe it to them to make the world as good of a place (if not better) to live in. i forget to look at the picture of my family on my desk and thank god for each and every one of them. i rush after every prayer that i forget to ask for His forgiveness and thank Him for everything He has blessed me with. i don't want to forget anymore, lest He forgets about me.

JUMLAH graduan menganggur terkini yang dilaporkan oleh media tempatan baru-baru ini mencecah hampir 50,000 orang.

Bilangan yang akan menganggur dijangka bertambah lagi apabila kira-kira 15,000 siswazah bakal menamatkan pengajian masing-masing pada akhir tahun ini.

from Utusan Malaysia, 24 Mac 2004

1998
population : 21.67 million
labour force : 8.85 million
employment : 8.57 million
unemployment rate : 3.1%

2002
population : 24.30 million
labour force : 10.20 million
employment : 9.84 million
unemployment rate : 3.5%

from Economic Report, Ministry of Finance

I hear... a voice say "Don't be so blind"...
it's telling me all these things...
that you would probably hide...
am I... your one and only desire...
am I the reason you breathe...
or am I the reason you cry...

Always... always... always... always... always... always...
I just can't live without you...

I love you...
I hate you...
I can't get around you...
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I guess that i'm out the door...
and now i'm done with you...

I feel... like you don't want me around...
I guess i'll pack all my things...
I guess i'll see you around...
It's all... been bottled up until now...
as I walk out your door...
all I can hear is the sound...

Always... always... always... always... always... always...
I just can't live without you...

I love you...
I hate you...
I can't get around you...
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I guess that i'm out the door...
and now i'm done with you...

I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...

I wrapped my head around your heart...
Why would you tear my world apart...

Always... always... always... always...

I see... the blood all over your hands...
does it make you feel... more like a man...
was it all... just a part of your plan...
this pistol's shakin' in my hands...
and all I hear is the sound...

I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I guess that i'm out the door...
and now i'm done with you...

I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...

I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I pick myself off the floor...
and now i'm done with you...
Always...
Always...
Always...

i was outside digging up dirt earlier. ana used some of the kitchen stuff to make a ham sandwich, so i had to clean them. that was fun though, can't really remember the last time i did any digging. and then i was outside for a quick run. i'm never one much for an exercise, unless it involves throwing objects at other people ;) nevertheless, i enjoyed what little time i spent in the sun today.

PAS won again in Kelantan, with a slim majority. very slim. when i called my mom last night, she honestly thought BN had won. she had talked to her friends who were counting the votes, and they had told her it was pretty much confirmed that BN had won 23 of the 45 seats. i was stunned. i didn't think it could happen this quickly. at the same time, it was exhilarating, i was looking forward to see what changes the new state government could bring. but when i checked the results this morning, i saw that PAS had again managed to maintain its hold on Kelantan. if Pak Lah plays his cards right, and plays fair, at the next election we can very well see BN returns to power in this state. i doubt it would be very much of a surprise then, compared to this time.

yesterday turned out to be a very nice day. had lunch with suhaimi, and later went out for dinner and bowling with a bunch of people. wish we didn't have to come back so early, but it's all good.

i've been waking up early regardless of how early or late i go to bed it's good i guess, but i'm really not quite sure what to do after i wake up :) maybe i should find a book to read. huma's da vinci code sounds pretty interesting.

had a really weird dream last night. it involved hana, her parents, a few other girls, and a cruise boat. randomest thing ever, if u ask me.

amir's brother tareeq is here. they are so unbelievably alike. the looks, the soft voices, the calm demeanours. really strange. makes me wonder if the other brother also shares the same mould.

it's the big election day at home today. i wonder what the results are. last election was during spm week, i remember watching the tv in the dining hall and after the warden kicked us out, all went up to the dorm to turn on the radios. why in the world did we care that much, i have no idea.

anybody else wants to make fun of me, wants to offer their piece of mind, please feel free to do so now. cause by next week, i intend to fully recover from all this depressing shit that has been happening and be my cheerful self again.

i've also cancelled my original spring break plan to go to spain and london. so looks like i'll be spending my break in good ole beantown again. i'm perfectly fine with that, in fact i feel like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders just by cancelling the trip. although i'm certainly not jumping up and down, not after losing some money from it. but please don't give me a hard time over this. say your mind once, and then let it go. i don't like being called stupid, i made the decision after giving it a thorough consideration.

i'm a bit worried about my sister, her health seems to be deteriorating. she's 19. what's with the high blood pressure, thyroid problem and swollen liver?

Remembrance of Allah

just a reminder to myself, lest i forget :)
need to get my priorities straighten, my goals clear and my life in order.

why the heck am i so stupid?????
if the interest rate in foreign country decreases, of course you're gonna increase your foreign reserve because there's a downward pressure on your currency to appreciate and to keep your exchange rate fixed, you have to start buying the foreign currency and flood the market with your own currency. aaaaaaargggggggggghhhhhhhhhh.

nak merepek dlm bm jap buleh tak. penat dah la dok ckp sorang2 dlm kepala je. tension aku. nak melepaskan geram kat org or kat situation pon kena dlm english jugak ke. byk giler kerja skrg nak kena settle kan. dgn msa lagi, icc lagi, spring break lagi, ne conference lagi. rasa menyesal la plak buat plan nak gi jln spring break. lagi baik stay sini je, duduk rilek2, siapkan mana2 kerja yg belum sudah. nak carik internship pon dah tak de masa. dateline mostly bulan februari/mac, mmg dah tak de peluang la utk aku intern summer nih. msd pon tak de incentive nak tolong student langsung. dlm 3 tahun duduk belajar kat sini, tak tahu la apa yg msd dah buat utk aku. lagi2, asyik kite je yg duduk buat kerja utk msd. dia nak org attend event dia, kite pergi. dia nak dtg sini, kite pergi jumpa dia out of respect. tapi apa yg dia buat to deserve the respect pon tak tahu lah. tahu la aku sorg2 je kat sini, tapi jangan la diperanaktirikan. apa kebajikan aku yg dia jaga, wallahu'alam. ada org tepon la plak. mana tak tension, masa utk merepek, membebel, mengadu, melepaskan tension pon ada org nak kacau ke. laters :P

a close friend informed me she might be getting engaged soon. i am unbelievably happy and excited for her. i pray to god everything falls into place for her and that things go smoothly. best wishes for you, mate.

life is so fucked up

i'll change the stupid picture above once i find something more decent.

jane's father died last night in florida. he was supposed to come back home this weekend, but i guess it just wasn't meant to be. i hope i can be as strong as her when it's my turn to say goodbye to a loved one.

i haven't felt like writing this past week, and i don't think i'll be feeling like writing much this week also. we'll see how it goes. maybe after i change the look, my writing mode will come back.

other girls get roses from guys, i got frozen meat :P very thoughtful, at least i won't be starving.