Ximar

back in my room now. we left budd lake at around 5 and arrived boston some time before 10. went to wang's for dinner, stopped by blockbuster to pick up a movie and came back to mu around 11:30. dewi, diah, usman and i watched identity and then just chilled for a while. i think we all agreed that it's been a really nice short break from both school and work. especially since it's syawal.

i am actually very excited about the pictures and videos taken with the new camera. i still haven't installed the software yet, and still haven't figure out what's involved in the uploading process. diah wants me to put them up, so i will definitely try to do it soon. there's just this one video that everyone just have to see, it's so funny.

i was pretty surprised actually to hear that a few people actually perceived me as a tough person. i obviously take it as a compliment. i like to think that i can handle most things that are thrown at me and can handle every situation very well. but i know i don't. i'm progressing to become better (or meaner, more sarcastic, more selfish, whatever the situation calls for) but i still have a long way to go.

writing this in another place other than my room actually feels really weird and a bit uncomfortable. i started a new post last night but couldn't finish it, so i decided to delete it. that's no fun.

so we're finally on our last day of stay at muz's. last night they had an eid party, and we got to meet a lot of their family friends. there were a lot of kids, so that really made me feel at home. i've said it to a few people, and i am going to say it again here. it's the closest i've felt to home and it's the most fun i've had since the msat lodge trip. it's been a really nice trip and i think we all enjoy it tremendously.

i also have the chance of putting my new digital camera to use on this trip. that thing is wicked (that's about my most favourite word at the moment) cool. i've been reading through the guide and try to figure out how to use the camera, and i'm still learning. there's so much that i don't understand. but some of the pictures and videos we took with it are really nice. i'm looking forward to getting to know more about my camera and putting it to good use.

we're at muz's house now. i'm having a real wicked time staying here and visiting both muz's and huma's family with these people. they're all so very nice. last night we were at huma's house for dinner. before that we were in new york city for lunch. we met up with jehan who's doing an internship with the UN for the moment. she works with the morroccan mission. we had a tour of the UN building. it wasn't very interesting, but amir, zaid and i were instructed to keep muz occupied while dewi, diah and usman went to buy gifts for his mother. we got acquaintanced with huma's two adorable cousin, umar and usman. they're so funny, and kept us entertained the whole night.

aite, so before i go any further, let me just get this out in the open:
selamat hari raya, maaf zahir batin
eid mubarak, and a thousand apologies
to everyone i know, everyone who knows me, and everyone whom i've hurt by words or actions, consciously or unconsciously.

we just got back from soundbites, went there for breakfast after prayers. it's nice to see more to the people i only know by name or face before. i never realize that ubeida can be such a clown. it's good to see everyone was having fun eventhough we don't know each other very well. i guess on occasions such as this, friends and acquaintances make a pretty good subs when you can't be with your loved ones. it'd be shucks to be by yourself.

i think i'll sleep for a bit. muz is gonna come over to clean the kitchen downstairs (it's disastrously disgusting, i tell you that right now). if i wake up early enough, may be i'll help him.

and so ramadhan ended. kinda sad to bid farewell to the blessed month. hopefully we'll meet again.
i just called home and talked to everyone before they go to eid prayers. my grandmother is sick and couldn't come to the phone so i wasn't able to talk to her, i was really looking forward to talk to that. i happen to think that she's the cutest grandmother alive (even back to when the queen mother was still alive). i have to try calling someone's cellphone later i guess. a few more people in the family who i have to call. a few cousins and a few aunts. i'm hoping to call everyone before tomorrow. with a family as big as mine, it's hard to get everything done with one go.
i'm looking forward to tomorrow. eid prayer in the morning and brunch afterwards. and then the trip down to jersey. i'm definitely going to miss visiting kak saerah's house with the rest of malaysian boston. but it will still be nice experience.
my digital camera is finally here. yup.

last night started out fine, and ended not so fine.
i had my gamelan concert last night, and so far that was the best i have played yet. i'm very intimidated by the notion of playing bonang and barry knows it. he's been trying to teach me to play bonang comfortably for a few semesters already. and last night, i think i graduated with flying colours. not that i didn't make any mistakes at all, i did but each time i didn't lose myself and managed to get back into the tempo. bravo me!
and then i came back home and started to feel sick. it happened so suddenly. one minute i was totally fine, talking and laughing. and the next minute, every movement sent my head spinning. you know the numb feeling in your fingers and the heavy feeling in your stomach that you get when you're sick? it was horrible. i knew if i sat outside in the fresh air i would have felt much better, but no way i was going to freeze my arse in the cold in the middle of the night.
huma's leaving in an hour or so. who's gonna entertain me for the next three days? and diah and dewi are leaving on their own, which leaves me to travel down to new jersey with the guys. 5 hours cramped in a car with 4 highly sarcastic guys. i'm a dead meat.

pictures of boston-based malaysians. i loved most of them, everyone looks so happy

last night was fun. for once, people actually came to hang out in my room. i'm not much of an entertainer or host, but it's nice to chill in your room with friends.
iftar last night was amazing, nicely done by rafeya and unaza. it was really simple, but the food was good. good stuff.
hana left this morning. i'm gonna miss her bothering me. she's just one of those people who when they're gone you'd notice their lack of presence. huma's leaving tomorrow also, so i guess i'll be really bored for a while. unless if d comes hang out everyday. aite, d?
** adopt a sarcatic tone from here on **
muz has a tendency to serve people unforgetable dishes. seriously. usman asked me yesterday if i remembered the dish that he made last year and i said no. but ask me what muz made - pink tandoori chicken, green pistachio custard and fruit chaat (which i remember not because of the colour but because it was really good). and today he just made a red, soupy fruit chaat. seriously muz, you have an amazing skill in making your cooking memorable.

huma was in a criminal court. i just think it's funny, when put that way. she drove down to connecticut to appeal a speeding ticket and i went with her to keep her company. it wasn't a bad drive at all, we left at 6:45 and were back by 11:30. my first class (which i'm skipping today) hasn't even started yet.
the gloves and abaya that i ordered are both here. i'm a bit excited about that.
last night iftar was sponsored by the arabic teachers, and they must have spent at least $800 for all that food. there was a lot of good food. and at least a hundred people (there was definitely more) were there.
waking up early really makes you hungry.

usman's birthday, many happy returns to the big guy.
saw paddy's site new look, she's a really funny one. colin firth, eh? yea, that one's a real charmer for sure.
i heard about this kid who tried to commit suicide last night. guess it's becoming a new trend at tufts now. kinda freaks me out a bit. i've had the bad luck to deal with suicidal people, and i've to say that i don't like it a bit. life is tough people, suck it up.
my apologies to suhaimi, i completely forgot to meet him last saturday and i did promise to. sorry. it slipped my mind and i slept in late that day.
hard to believe that ramadhan is almost over. time really flies.

huma's hotmail got hacked. i wonder what are the odds of that happening?

aite myn, the recipe's all yours. the crust is the trickiest part, my mom says to call her before you make it :) no, seriously, if you get pillsbury pie crusts (freezable too), they taste almost as good and save you all the trouble. make the chicken with a lot of gravy, the pie's better if it's not too dry. you can put boiled eggs on top of the filling also if you'd like. all the best, and just holler if it gets confusing.

it's amazing really how much you can learn from just observing your environment. i am no expert in relationships, in terms of my own personal experience, but just by observing what each of my friends go through, i really learn a lot and am able to impart some wisdom to some friends who need them.

it's funny how you think that you are mature beyond your age and then realize that there are so much you are unprepared for when you think you are. or how you are unable to handle things that you think you'd be able to. not a day pass by when i don't think about death. usually it's the last thing on my mind before i close my eyes at night. but when it hit me in the face, i still crumbled. you know these things happen everyday and everyone goes through them, but it's different when it hits closer to home, no?

i have a 10 o'clock meeting tomorrow and i'm still not a wee bit sleepy. o-oh.

PIE AYAM

INTI:
daging ayam dicincang-1/2 ekor
2 labu bawang besar}
2 ulas bawang putih } dicincang halus
daun bawang }
serbuk lada sulah ( aka white pepper )
1 sudu besar gandum (peres) dan 4 oz air
cendawan butang
lobak merah
3 sudu besar minyak
kacang peas
2 sudu besar kicap cair

KELOPAK PASTRI:
10 and a half oz gandum/400 gm
4 oz mentega
6 oz pastry margarine
4 oz air

HOW TO MAKE:
1) Panas minyak, tumis bawang besar dan putih hingga layu, masukkan ayam, goreng hingga empok. Masukkan lobak, cendawan, peas, garam, serbuk lada dan kicap cair. 1 sudu tepung dibancuh dgn 4 oz air, tuangkan ke dlm kuali tadi. Angkat dan sejukkan.
2) Gaulkan margarine dan tepung hinga menjadi serbuk roti. Campurkan air dan uli sampai sebati.
3) Canai hingga nipis, bahagikan kpd 3 bhgn. Sapu pastry margarine pd bghn tgh dan lipatkan kedua2 bghn yg hujung ke atas bghn tgh tadi. Kemudian, lipat dua pula. Canai lagi dan dilipat 3 mcm tadi ( tanpa disapu pastry ) dan dilipat 2 pula sebyk 2 kali. Akhir sekali dicanai nipis dan diterap dgn acuan pinggan pie-2 keping.
4) 1 keping dialas pd bawah pinggan pie. Tepi yg berlebih digunting. Masukkan inti. Tepi disapu air. Dialas yg sekeping lagi diatasnya. Dicucuk2 tghnya dgn mata garfu dan ditekan2 tepinya dgn garfu. Dihias atasnya dgn reja2. Disapu dgn telur. Bakarkan selama 30-40 minit pd suhu 450 F.

for a change of sound, try listening to haroon rashid's mehbooba.

the mentioned-pie did infact turned out very nicely, if i may say so myself. sorry myn, paddy, there wasn't even enough to go around for everyone here ;)

i feel bereft, of everything. striped of every feeling, except for this cold dread that hovers over my head. it seems really silly. i'm fine, really, but there's something amiss. i feel like i've no control over my body, as if i'm going around running everyday errands like a machine, functional but dispassionate. muz says that being passionate is being obsessive with sense. what am i then? a person with no sense? not even sense of feelings?

i've been having this craving for chicken pie for quite a while. my mom makes the best chicken pie in the whole world, but she didn't have time to make it while i was home last summer. so here i am tonight, making my own chicken pie in my own weird way. i have no idea how it's gonna turn out. so far, the filling doesn't come out quite the way my mom makes it and i don't even bother making my own crusts, i just use the ready-made ones. my pie is still baking in the oven, i'll let you know how it turns out after i've had a bite.

hana puts it all down into words, something which i can't bring myself to do. they say hurting and healing is all part of life, but you can never really master the process, ay? i pray that she's in god's good grace and everything is taken care of for her.

nanim, one of my good friends at ppp passed away earlier this evening.

i'm thinking that since i have all the attires needed for clubbing, i should just go do it. what say you?

dewi, diah and i went to watch love actually at woburn. verdict: it's a ridiculously adorable and funny movie. my immediate comment if i remember correctly was, "there were too many breasts". which is true, there are unnecessary partial nudity scenes. some other parts can also survive being cut out, some need more focus on. my favourite scenes are juliet's wedding suprise, the britain prime minister's press comment during the u.s. president visit, mark professing his true feelings for juliet and the kids christmas show. colin firth is amazing, so is emma thompson. and that kid, who plays sam.

well, my icecream culprit, evidently, was hana. now, how can i be mad at her, when she and i both know that she is more than welcome to everything of mine. so hana, my thousand apologies for losing my head yesterday. and sorry also we woke you up this morning. i should have remembered to use downstairs' kitchen.

i need to get on top of my shit.

someone ate my icecream and i can't live without my icecream!!! you can call me a cry baby, but i need sugar after a day of fasting and work. and to come home to discover someone had taken liberty with my icecream is just.... a BIG NO-NO!!! this is not happening. i refuse to accept this. and this is not the only thing that's ticking me.

someone used all the ice and did not refill the icecube tray. someone emptied my water filter and did not fill it up. someone has been leaving dirty dishes in the sink to rot.

i'm beginning to hate people. i'm not a social butterfly to begin with, and i've been feeling socially-ill lately, and this is not helping matters. i really don't feel very sociable right now, so please, stay away from me.

fatma calls love actually a "double dose of charming british guys." i say it's a triple of double dose. i love alan rickman (aka professor snape of harry potter). and hugh grant. and colin firth. and keira knightley. oooh, with all the wonderful cast, it has to be a really delightful movie. i can't wait to watch it.

Some pictures from MSAT Lodge Trip

i got myself new sweaters. huma took hana and i to square one mall in saugus, which was very nice of her, and i bought some stuff that i really needed. it's a nice mall, i wouldn't mind going there again. i didn't have a chance to visit charlotte russe and some other stores.

i finally learnt how to use the ssh file transfer thing. first diah told me how, then amir showed me, then usman. all in one day. they're nice people, always ready to help out.

i talked to anand today. i miss talking to him and hanging out with him. we used to talk a lot over the phone, now it's only once a week.

lately, i feel like i've been acting like a real jerk. i've acted irrationally towards people who had never done me any harm, made some unthoughtful and coarse remarks, tried to detach myself from people who needed me, and have just been completely insensitive to those around me. i'm so sorry. i don't know what else to say. i'm really sorry for being such an ass, i feel really guilty about it. this is not me, and i hate it when i don't recognize myself. bare with me please, while i try to get myself back in track.

just got back from watching mystic river. it's a good movie, with an anticlimactic end. i thought the part where brandon beat the crap out of ray jr. and his friend was a little brutal, the brutality being completely unnecessary. i guess towards the end clint eastwood kinda lose it a bit.

anyways, i'm off to bed. i can feel a headache coming.