Ximar

Summer session started on Wednesday. Went bowling on Tuesday night, hurt my legs pretty bad. Even walking hurts, not to mention riding the bike and going up and down the stairs. Helped Huma move on Monday, and had lunch with her. Muz and her came over to Windsor Rd. to chill, really nice.

My sister's registering for college soon.

Went singing last night with Dewi, Dewi and Diah. That was fun. I had wanted to go for such a long time, and last night was just perfect for it. The day was a bit too warm, but the night was amazingly nice.

But today, the temperature dropped 20 degrees. So cold. And I had packed all my sweaters and thick jackets away also. Went out to Porter Exchange to have lunch with Suhaimi. Huma and Muz's families came up today for their graduation. We went out to have dinner with Huma's family and that was really nice. Such a nice crowd of people, and to see them all together just makes me wish I can be with my family too. Wish we could have spent some time today with Muz's family also, but there's still tomorrow.

So tomorrow is commencement, hard to comprehend really. To think that it'll be my turn after this. Scary thoughts. Hopefully it will not rain tomorrow until after the whole ceremony.

Went out to dinner last night to celebrate the seniors, finally gave Huma her birthday present, the mini I-pod. She's been asking about it, and I kept telling her it'd be in just in time for her graduation. It got here a while back, but we were waiting for the right time to give it to her.

I want to go shopping. Perhaps tomorrow. Having lunch with Suhaimi in the afternoon, maybe after that I can go check out the stores on Mass Ave. I've always wanted to do that, but never really got around to it. Huma has invited a few of us to dinner with her family and friends tomorrow. That'll be nice, but I'm a bit nervous, because there'll be a lot of people and I'm not quite sure what to be expected. Better stay close to Dewi and Diah.

Someone commented on how I don't smile as often anymore. Not much to be smiling about nowadays, I guess. It's amazing really how much of a difference a simple smile can make. It can do wonders to your own mood and affects others around you. Not to mention that it's the only thing that keeps people from realizing how ugly I actually am :P

I went off to Davis and Porter on Tuesday to get all the things for Diah's bike. Lubed the chain, bought the U-lock and lights. And today I started using it. I'm still not used to it, it has been a really long while since I last rode a bike.

A friend sent me a really nice e-mail today. I will treasure it, to remember the person by, and to look back at when I'm feeling down and need something to cheer me up.

Diah has been working really hard on her paper. I wish there's something I can do to help her. But fluid dynamic and what not is way out of my league. Sorry, luv. I'm looking forward to dinner tomorrow, I hope spending time with her friends will be the kind of break that she needs.

I have a few goals to achieve this summer. Shed off a few pounds, strike an A in Calc, do some outdoor activities, spend more time cooking, and make some connections with the people back home.

Just finished watching Chasing Liberty. I wish I can go to Europe, with a very good friend I can enjoy myself with.

I've had a surprisingly pleasant day. It took me the whole morning to get ready, but once I left the house, things just kinda fell into place.
Walked down to Davis and had lunch with Muz. Finally registered for summer session after a few trips back and forth between Summer Session office and Dowling. Went to MU to see if I can pick up my library books and somewhat pack the kitchen, but no one was there to open the door. Came back home and took Diah's bike to the gas station to air the tires. I was pleasantly tired by then and was getting ready for a short nap.
But then Diah called to ask if I'd like to come meat-shopping with her. So we went to Al-Huda to get things for dinner and where we were told that Indonesian and Malaysian women make really good wife-material. Nice to know, huh ;) We stopped by at Starmarket then came straight home to make dinner. I think I now know how to make lasagna, Diah-style.
We left Mbak Pi watching over the dinner while we went off to see Huma before she left for her Senior Gala. She looked very pretty, as always. Then stopped by at Muz's to take pictures with him also. Managed a few rounds of poker while waiting for the guys to get ready. Their getting ready was almost the same thing as the girls, if only less panicky. The guys all looked amazing (this is where I drool :P~~~~ hahahaha). Oh yeah, Diah and I rolled our sleeves up and got down and dirty ironing Muz's jacket 'coz he seemed unable to do a good job at it.
On our way home we stopped by Store 24 and Dunkin Donut to get some treats for Mbak Pi and Nawaf and Usman. Came home to eat dinner quickly before walking over to Halligan to drop off some lasagna and munckins for those guys. Usman showed us their cheat-sheets, and called them a work-of-art. I couldn't agree less, they were mad impressive. You need a magnifying glass to read them.
So that was my day. Interesting by my standard, not so much by other people's. It feels nice, to be able to see everybody in one day, and being able to do something nice for them. Diah's the kind of person who always think of everybody's well-being, and I hope living with her will influence me in a good way and make me a much better person than I am now.

It always take me a while to get used to sleeping in a new place, this time no different. I'm staying with Diah and Mbak Pi for the next 3 months. I've set up my room, and it looks very cozy, just need to get something to hang on the wall so it doesn't look so bare. Summer school doesn't start till May 26th, so I'm not quite sure what to do with myself till then. I have to do small errands here and there, but nothing big.

Nawaf's and Usman's qualifier is coming up tomorrow and the day after. They've been studying extremely hard for it, I hope everything goes well for them.

Senior gala is tonight. I hope I can see Huma and Muz before they go off to it.

Slept over at Huma's last night, she went off to New York for Nadia's graduation. I feel bad for not spending the night at Diah's, after all I had moved all my stuff over to her place. But I was dead tired, didn't feel like walking home, and the AC here just plain tempted me. It was so hot yesterday, packing and moving were pure torture.

Can't believe the year's finally over and that summer vacation is here. The year flew by so fast, I feel a little jolted. It's sad. I enjoyed having the guys downstairs, and living here without them next year will not be the same. And saying goodbye to Huma and Muz is going to be tough. Last year Afsan and Safi graduated, but they both live in Boston, so it almost feel like they haven't actually left, although we don't see them as often anymore. But Huma and Muz are going to be leaving Boston, and I've gotten so close to them in the past two years, it's definitely going to be hard for me. They've been such great friends and mentors to me.

I hate moving in and out day. When you see people with their family picking them up or dropping them off. My 10 years away from home, there were only 4 instances when my parents were with me during moving time.

First comment spoken out loud after we took a first look at the exam Prof Mukand gave us. The exam was two-page, five questions, the first with 10 sub-questions, and the last two with 3 or 4 sub-questions. All of them but 2 were policy questions. It was a definitely a loooooooong exam. And I am gladder than ever that it's done.

Done with junior year, I suppose.

I'm just stupid. And a coward. That plain explains everything I do and say. And tells you how much I think of myself. So to the certain someone who totally didn't deserve whatever I said to him, I'm sorry.

Down with one, two more to go. Alhamdulillah, Stat went well. I was a bit apprehensive at first, but I felt like I did fine. Insha Allah I can do Macro well, it's just International Finance that I'm not quite sure know how to deal with. Eurgh.

I sent my mom some flowers for Mother's Day. My sister said she liked them, I'm glad. She's been asking to talk to me for 3 days now, but it's hard to fine the time when we're both free. I usually wouldn't have minded staying up late or waking up early to call home, but with the exams and the amount of studying I have to do for them, I just feel like I can't. I don't have the energy to. I would have called right now, but Ma wouldn't be home yet. And when I wake up tomorrow at 10, she'll probably be asleep. *BIG sigh*

Tired, just wanna close my eyes and crawl into bed.

Went to see Van Helsing. Not exactly what I would call an excellent movie, but at least it has its funny moments. Hugh Jackman was decent, Kate Beckinsale was disappointing. But David Wenham, who plays the monk, or the friar or whatever, was excellent. That's what you would call acting. A total opposite of his character Faramir from Lord of the Rings. Even Denzel Washington never pulls something like this. Denzel Washington is a bore, who always play the same kind of character and never bothers to try something different.

Went to see Main Hoon Na. Don't really buy the story, but it also has its funny moments. Some matrix-like moments also, which only made everything even funnier. A decent enough Hindi movie, I'd say. It tries something different, which you can't say about other Hindi movies.

Went bowling, in a far, far place, somewhere close to Quincy. I was in a bad mood when we went, but being there cheered me up substantially.

I guess today's the day to start freaking out.

The more often I write means the more procrastinating I try to be.

Am at Ginn, trying to study, without much progress. I can't concentrate. And then there's this disgustingly sick couple sitting at the table next to me, who can't seem to keep their hands off each other and whispering. I need help.

Description of Prophet Muhammad S.A.W.:

Transmitted from Ali [son-in-law of the Prophet], may God be pleased with him, who, when asked to describe the Prophet, peace be upon him, would say: He was not too tall nor too short. He was medium sized. His hair was not short and curly, nor was it lank, but in between. His face was not narrow, nor was it fully round, but there was a roundness to it. His skin was white. His eyes were black. He had long eyelashes. He was big-boned and had wide shoulders. He had no body hair except in the middle of his chest. He had thick hands and feet. When he walked, he walked inclined, as if descending a slope. When he looked at someone, he looked at them in full face.

Between his shoulders was the seal of prophecy, the sign that he was the last of the prophets. He was the most generous-hearted of men, the most truthful of them in speech, the most mild-tempered of them, and the noblest of them in lineage. Whoever saw him unexpectedly was in awe of him. And whoever associated with him familiarly, loved him. Anyone who would describe him would say, I never saw, before him or after him, the like of him. Peace be upon him.

Paraphrased from a passage by Imam al-Ghazali, in Book 19 of his Revival of the Religious Sciences, Ihya Ulum al-Din:

'The Messenger of God (S.A.W.) was the mildest of men, but also the bravest and most just of men. He was the most restrained of people; never touching the hand of a woman over whom he did not have rights, or who was not his mahram. He was the most generous of men, so that never did a gold or silver coin spend the night in his house. If something remained at the end of the day, because he had not found someone to give it to, and night descended, he would go out, and not return home until he had given it to someone in need. From what Allah gave him [...] he would take only the simplest and easiest foods: dates and barley, giving anything else away in the path of Allah. Never did he refuse a gift for which he was asked. He used to mend his own sandals, and patch his own clothes, and serve his family, and help them to cut meat. He was the shyest of men, so that his gaze would never remain long in the face of anyone else. He would accept the invitation of a freeman or a slave, and accept a gift, even if it were no more than a gulp of milk, or the thigh of a rabbit, and offer something in return. He never consumed anything given in sadaqa. He was not too proud to reply to a slave-girl, or a pauper in rags. He would become angered for his Lord, never for himself; he would cause truth and justice to prevail even if this led to discomfort to himself or to his companions.'

'He used to bind a stone around his waist out of hunger. He would eat what was brought, and would not refuse any permissible food. If there was dates without bread, he would eat, if there was roast meat, he would eat; if there was rough barley bread, he would eat it; if there was honey or something sweet, he would eat it; if there was only yogurt without even bread, he would be quite satisfied with that.'

'He was not sated, even with barley-bread, for three consecutive days, until the day he met his Lord, not because of poverty, or avarice, but because he always preferred others over himself.'

'He would attend weddings, and visit the sick, and attend funerals, and would often walk among his enemies without a guard. He was the most humble of men, and the most serene, without arrogance. He was the most eloquent of men, without ever speaking for too long. He was the most cheerful of men. He was afraid of nothing in the dunya. He would wear a rough Yemeni cloak, or a woolen tunic; whatever was lawful and was to hand, that he would wear. He would ride whatever was to hand: sometimes a horse, sometimes a camel, sometimes a mule, sometimes a donkey. And at times he would walk barefoot, without an upper garment or a turban or a cap. He would visit the sick even if they were in the furthest part of Madina. He loved perfumes, and disliked foul smells.'

'He maintained affectionate and loyal ties with his relatives, but without preferring them to anyone who was superior to them. He never snubbed anyone. He accepted the excuse of anyone who made an excuse. He would joke, but would never say anything that was not true. He would laugh, but not uproarously. He would watch permissible games and sports, and would not criticise them. He ran races with his wives. Voices would be raised around him, and he would be patient. He kept a sheep, from which he would draw milk for his family. He would walk among the fields of his companions. He never despised any pauper for his poverty or illness; neither did he hold any king in awe simply because he was a king. He would call rich and poor to Allah, without distinction.'

In him, Allah combined all noble traits of character; although he neither read nor wrote, having grown up in a land of ignorance and deserts in poverty, as a shepherd, and as an orphan with neither father nor mother. But Allah Himself taught him all the excellent qualities of character, and praiseworthy ways, and the stories of the early and the later prophets, and the way to salvation and triumph in the Akhira, and to joy and detachment in the dunya, and how to hold fast to duty, and to avoid the unnecessary. May Allah give us success in obeying him, and in following his sunna. Amin ya rabb al-alamin.

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

I finally got around to changing the image above, heh.

If I can only soak my feet in a hot tub, they would feel so good.

We had the MSA and MU barbeque today. It went very well, the food was great and we had a good turnout. A lot of people helped out, which was really nice of them.

I love Zaid's friends, they never hesitate to offer help when it's needed. Plus, they argue about the silliest things and never fail to amuse me with their antics.

Seyhan was there today with her then-fiancee-now-husband guy. They looked so cute together :)

I had the weirdest dream last night. Somehow, it involves Usman, but I don't remember exactly what happened. At least it's a dream, not a nightmare. Went to bed with spinning headache last night, I'm surprised it was, by far, the deepest sleep I've had in days.

Today's plan is to study more Stat at either Hally or B&B. I really should get going, huh?

My mom and aunts took my grandmother out to a dinner at some hotel to celebrate Mother's Day. Cute, and sweet. My grandmother deserves so much respect and kindness for the amazing lady that she is. I can't even begin to tell you the things that she has done and sacrificed for her family's well-being. We all love her so much. Everyone always look for opportunities to please her. She doesn't have to lift a finger around the house. Anytime she even hints that she would like something, we'd come running with it. My mom and aunts would move heaven and earth to get her everything she wants and take her everywhere she wants to go. I pray that I can be that kind of daughter and granddaughter. I pray that I'll be able to show my parents the same care, love and kindness they have shown me when I was growing up.

Always pick the religion with the best afterlife program.

- From some show on Comedy Central

I ended up studying for only 3 hours today. Spent the morning cleaning my room and doing laundry. Went to Halligan to study only to discover that it was already crowded. However, I did manage to get my account reactivated. Ended up in Brown & Brew for 3 hours, did some questions for Stat. Went meat and grocery shopping with Huma and Usman. Came home and started cooking. Also discovered that some silly goose had left me some flowers, which was kinda sweet, but I would have liked my first flowers to be for some other reason than for trying to convince me to run for MSA president :P Whatever, the flowers are still nice. I don't think people I fed today realized that they were my guinea pigs. I totally had no idea what I was making, and was in such a rush, I hope none of them ends up with stomachache tonight. The night is still early, but I don't think I can accomplish much in terms of studying. I know I totally am going to regret procrastinating by the end of this week.

I can stare at a river for an hour, and when you ask me later which way it flows, I probably can't tell you. That's how inattentive I am to details. Colours - that's another thing I never really pay attention to. Ask me what colour were the flowers outside my grandmother's house, I don't know. Shirts, eyes, cars - I can never exactly recall their colours. Definitely not a detective material.

I am up and awake. Been up for an hour, although I went to bed pretty late last night. I think it's the sun, can't sleep for too long with the morning sun in your face.

Yesterday was a really nice day. Went to Boston Council's meeting (for the second time, I kept people waiting, not good), to Galleria where I bought some stuff, to MIT where we walked along the Charles, to Buzkashi where we couldn't get a table, to Falafel Place where we got some food, to Jamaica Pond where we sat down and had dinner, and lastly to the bowling place.

I'm hungry, but there's nothing to eat in the house. Except M&Ms.

Went to see the fireworks last night. A bit disappointing I'd say, perhaps because of the windy night. Last year's was definitely much better.

I like the view from my window. I like lying on the bed and propping my chin on the sill to look over at Fletcher field. Every Saturday morning the Indian kids play cricket there. And on Sunday mornings, they play baseball there. Every afternoon, there are always people playing frisbee. Yesterday, the Economics Society was playing kickball with Econ professors. At nights, I can look at the moon and stars in the sky. Sometimes, like last night, they look amazing. I'm going to miss the view from this window.

My mom surprised me last night, talking about marriage. Scary thought there. Too soon for me to think about it, yet I am of marrying age. A bunch of my friends are already getting engaged if not married. Not to mention a few who already have kids. I think until all my cousins are safely married, I'd have an excuse not to. And I'm hoping it won't be anytime soon.

I don't like myself very much nowadays. Have to improve that. The way I behave towards some people is just unacceptable.

Almost forgot, 12 Rabi'ul Awwal today, the Prophet's S.A.W. birthday.

Spent two hours on the phone talking to everyone at home but my dad and one of my brothers. I should have called home this morning, I had promised my brother I would call him before he was supposed to leave :(

Final day of class this Monday. I have three exams, all in the following week. That should leave me plenty of time to study.

Still don't have much to write. Oh, read about what happened in Pattani. Insane.