Ximar

10 minutes at the media center:

nabe : hullo people!
rachael : hey nik! so what's this i hear about you being into lesbian pornography? (referring to a conversation at a party the night before)
nabe : what? i thought all i said was, "so why not watch a lesbian porno instead?"
stacy : oh yea, nik's really into it
nabe : hi stace! can i go back there and grab a few movies?
stacy : sure. chris, can you please help the young lady?
to mock stacy, here's what nabe was thinking in her mind : chris, please help old me

now here's the best part

what nabe actually said : chris, please hold me
mortified, nabe asked : what did i just say?
chris : you said, please hold me
nabe : oh my god, you know i didn't mean that chris

and she ran to the back room

of all the things that could have slipped my mind, i forgot to hand in my take home econs midterm that was due this morning. i'm doing such a good job screwing up mylife, i don't even need any help from anyone else. vyshali's leaving tomorrow morning. i'm kinda sad coz i don't know when else i would get a chance to see her again, but then she deserves to get away from here, her life has been nothing but miserable in this little place. guess everyone has their own little niche to find in life.

from
Harry Potter author richer than Queen:

Queen Elizabeth, with £250 million is ranked a mere 133rd on the list of her wealthy subjects.

what really does the world want to see? since when being wealthy is considered one of the virtues of a leader? seriously, i don't understand anything anymore. the world seems so f***ed up.

i remember as a kid listening to the al-arqam songs (ok, so it might sound a bit sketchy, but they really had some good songs) and one of them kind of went somewhat like this:

pilihlah pemimpin yang takutkan Allah
yang minta dibantu menegak kebenaran
yang minta ditegur jika ia bersalah
yang tidak menyebut apa jua jasanya
yang tidak banyak membuat janji manis
biasanya seorang pemimpin itu
dia mempunyai ilmu yang sederhana
jiwanya kental tak pernah rutuh
banyak pengalaman dari hidup
kalau kita nak tahu pemimpin yang sejati
ia tak berjawatan namun masih dihormati
oleh semua pengikutnya

and i do think it's a good song to reflect upon, read in between the lines and who knows, you might learn something.

ever heard a 4-year-old use the word "precarious"? pretty uncanny, yet hardly surprising if you also happen to know that the monsters under her bed are sea urchins and her favourite person on earth is the devil. and her bedtime company since she was two has been mr. skeleton. and she's also obsessed with harry potter, which makes sigrid an absolutely adorable girl, regardless of what other weird things she does or says.

they cancelled spring fling because the forecast said heavy rain with thunder. but so far, it's only been raining lightly. no thunder, no lightning, no high wind, yet. i don't really care about it, since i never planned to go anyway. but apparently a lot of people are disappointed, they were gonna bring guster to play. at least the tuftonian's day celebration last night went well. the fireworks were amazing, it's the best one i've seen so far at tufts. even better than the fourth of july's. ayesha and zaid were giving out straw hats, i helped them and grabbed one for myself. it's pretty cool, at least now i have something big enough to put over my hijabi head to protect myself from sunburn. went to dan's place afterwards for the media center staff's party. stayed there until after midnight. it was nice to finally get to see everyone who works there together in one place. and boy, did we have fun. of course, everyone else were gulping down booze, i had crakers and cheese and chips all to myself. but it was fun, just talking and laughing and making fun of people. stacy told an interesting story she found out from shawn. apparently, the last time they cancelled spring fling was back in 1993 and it was as if catastrophe struck. a rich kid, word has it it was bin laden's own cousin (kidding! although his cousins did go to tufts), bought tons of ecstasy pills and started giving them out to other students on campus. boy, did the tupd have a handful. everything that could have happened in one night happened. one of the kids they took out was humping a lamp post. just imagine how crazy it must have been. i bet today they're more cautious than usual to make sure something like that doesn't happen again. i doubt it will. nothing that interesting ever happens here anymore.

happy birthday to kak nik!

another minesweeper best time: 91 secs!

remember this?

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99

Wear Sunscreen-

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience...I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth-oh, never mind, you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry. But know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be the things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blind side you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing

Don't be reckless with other peoples hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind...the race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, and forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life....the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium

Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40. Maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people might think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle-because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel

Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, and you too will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen

Baz Luhrmann's "Everybody's Free"

new minesweeper best time, 95 secs for expert.

Nabihah

-----------------------------------------------------
Your name of Nabihah gives you a very idealistic but passive outlook on life. You desire culture and all the refinements of life but you are inclined to live in your dreams. Although you would like to do many things, procrastination undermines your accomplishment and success in life. You do not like to create issues and will do anything to avoid a conflict. Making decisions is difficult for you without the support and approval of others. This name gives you a very sensitive nature, making you feel much that you do not understand. Your feelings are easily hurt, at which times you are inclined to withdraw and become uncommunicative. Although you desire the friendship and association of others, you find it difficult to express your thoughts through the spoken word, and others find you hard to get to know. It is much more natural for you to express your deeper thoughts in writing. Inner tension can deplete your physical vitality. You are inclined to indulge in rich foods that lack proper nourishment. The physical weaknesses due to this name centre in the heart and respiratory organs, and in the fluid functions.

from the kabalarians

talking about names, i used to tease my parents how unfair it is although their first three daughters are "intellegent", only the last daughter is a "success".

***nabihah, nadiah and nabila all mean intelligent, najah means success.

pn bahayah and pak yem dah dapat baby, yeay! sgt gembira, rasa nak menjerit melompat2 happy pon ada. geram pon ada jugak, ye lah berapa lama orang tunggu and doa nak tengok diorang menimang anak. alhamdulillah, ada rezeki jugak. sure diorang happy giler. dah 6 tahun dah kahwin. pn bahayah pon pernah miscarriaged once. memang mahal betul la anak perempuan diorang sorang nih. hopefully cute macam pak yem, dengan lesung pipit sekali, celoteh macam puan bahayah. serious rasa diorang saja je tunggu nak saing ngan ijerq. tak dapat buat ijerq menantu, mana tahu buleh berbesan, kan, kan? heheheh... esok call pak yem, insya Allah.

hah! credit transfer finally went through, yeay! one less thing to worry about. i want to take classes this summer, but the only class i find interesting is boston architecture. bleh, need to find a class that'll fill out ir or econ requirements. but there's nothing interesting going on this summer. wanted to do economics of sports, white's teaching it and he's my favourite teacher in the whole school, but it's being offered for second session. i couldn't have picked a worse time to go home, what with the war, sars and new regulations going on.

a lot of people have asked me about my fixation with south asia, hindi and hindi movies. and the answer i usually gave to people was, it's something i grew up with, it has become a part of me and the things that i do. and then i realized that i need to dwelve deeper into the question. shakir told us he was really hang up on hindi movies until about three years ago when he realized that they're rubbish, a waste of his time. i can't stick with my previous answer coz that would mean i'm doing something without knowing exactly why i do it and how i benefit from it, if i do. so i sat down and thought hard (you know this is not exactly true, the only time i ever think hard is when i'm taking my final exams). and i realize that india, (and also pakistan in this sense) fascinates me. the country, the rich culture, the history, the people (if you care to look deeper you'll realize how much similar india and malaysia is). i seriously want to spend a few years in india before i start my career (which i've no idea yet what it's gonna be). hindi language also fascinates me. it's a beautiful language. soft and rimy. and truth be told, when i watch the hindi movies, i care more about the songs than i do the storyline. that's why i usually get upset when my friends fast-fowarded their way through the song sequences. those are my favourite parts. the songs and dances are really wonderful. the lyrics are usually very simple, but the way they choose the words carefully so they may rhyme but still carry out deep meaning, is just mind-blowing.
for example:
woh pehli baar, jab hum mile
haatho me haath, jab hum chale
hogaya yeh dil, deewana
hota hai pyar kya, isne jaana
translated directly:
that first time, when we met
hand in hand, when we walked
became this heart, crazy
how love happened, no one knew
the music, combination of both traditional and modern instruments are just brilliant. if you ever listen to a.r. rahman, you would know what i'm talking about. some of you might be familiar with bhajan, hymns for the hindus. in hindi movies, a lot of the times songs that talk about the hindu gods or to the gods are composed by muslims. but you don't find it the other way around. correct me if i'm wrong. a lot of muslims are involved with the hindi cinema ever since it first started. no, i'm not only talking about the khans who dominate the silver screen. even behind the screen.
in andaz (1949), the main casts were raj kapoor, nargis and dilip kumar, both the latter were muslims. and other people involved with it, mehboob khan (producer & director), naushad (music director), majrooh sultanpuri (lyricist), mohammed rafi (singer, of course), and the cameraman (chatterjee mentioned the name, i can't remember it) were all muslims.
here you have a country that seems to have assimilated different cultures and religions very well (not only in the film industry, you can even look back as far behind as the time when hindu and muslim kings were both ruling the states), yet because of the propaganda left behind by colonialism, you can still find hindus and muslims fighting and killing each other (mani ratnam's satya is a great movie about the hindu-muslim bombay dispute). not that many people are paying attention to what's happening in the region, it's practically overshadowed by the middle east crisis. well, forget that. what i really want to say is that, despite every single reason people tell me of why i should stop watching the silly hindi movies, i still refuse to. because if i look deeper, past by what's on the screen, close my eyes and listen, there's so much to learn and discover.

nabe's offline/unavailable indefinitely. can't believe it's that time of the semester already.
aaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh <-- me freaking out

btw, check this out:
what is wrong with the world???

muz's away message : out getting condoms
err... yea, so that's our msa president. kinda... hmm... sketchy? creepy?
muz, muz.

too bright, my eyes hurt.

from a scene in devdas, as he addresses his mother:

babuji ne kaha, ghao chod do
(dad said to leave the village)
sab ne kaha, Paro ko chod do
(everyone said to leave Paro)
Paro ne kaha, sharab chod do
(Paro said to leave drinking)
aaj tumne kehdiya, haweli chod do
(now you say, leave this house)
ek din ayega jab woh kahe ga duniya hi chod do
(one day, He will say... leave this world)

i wasn't particularly impressed by devdas. i feel as if sanjay leela bhansali hasn't done justice to the story. i can't seem to pinpoint what exactly is missing, but the film seems to lack some kind of depth, and it was disappointing to see him paying more attention to the sets and costumes rather than to the development of the story as a whole. granted, the sets and costumes were indeed brilliant. not to mention the casts too. shah rukh khan plays devdas very convincingly. i don't think anyone would have expected any less, that dude is an amazing actor. plus, he can cry. i mean really cry. and poetic too. he has a way of saying simple lines that can turn a scene into a heartwrenching moment. madhuri dixit. who could have played chandramukhi, the big-hearted prostitute who dances very well, any better? maybe karisma kapoor could, but she doesn't seem to fit the character very well. and aishwarya rai as paro. i think she worked hard on her role, but it must have been difficult to play two different faces to one character. paro seems confused, torn between being a childish, carefree young lover, and being a more mature, no-nonsense wife. i think maybe aishwarya needs to get away from this kind of character for a while, she seems to have played quite a few of them already. alright, enough about hindi movies.

i'm currently in love with daniel beddingfield's if you're not the one. such beauuuuuuuuutiful song. no doubt many will make this their wedding song. i know i would if i could.

i ended up not going to gantcher for kids' day after all. i woke pretty early, but after i got ready muz called to tell me that they didn't need me there until oneish. by noon though, i was spotting the worst case of dizziness ever. i could barely sat up on my bed without seeing the room twirling around. such a pity. so the day didn't exactly start until four, since i went back to sleep. but then i woke up and the weather was so nice, so nice that i decided i was in a good mood to study. so i did that until we went out for huma's birthday dinner. the place we went to was surprisingly nice, i'm looking forward to go there again. we just got back about an hour ago. well, at least half of us came back to tufts, the other half (all guys, of course) went to jillian's for pool. i'm about to go back to study, prolly while watching another silly hindi movie. don't know how much work i'll get done, but it's econs, so it's not like i've to read an article anyway. hopefully someone will call and invite me for a drive later, i wanna take advantage of the nice weather while it lasts. plus i haven't been on the new bridge yet since it opened few weeks ago. the bridge that's part of the big dig project. it doesn't seem right to never have been on it.

prayer exchange with hillel today. i just got back from shabbat at the hillel center. it's been an enlightening experience, i've to say. i didn't really know what is it that jewish people do before, so this visit has definitely done me good. everyone seems to have plan for tonight. i'm just gonna stay in my room and read harry potter yet again. oh, i went out to davis square to buy an umbrella (finally!), stopped by buck a book and discovered tons of harry potter's treasure in there. unfortunately, my dwindling bank account doesn't give me the luxury to buy everything i want, so i only (hmm...) got myself the fourth book, a poster book, and a hogwarts picture frame. fun, fun.

so much has happened this week. it''s been stressful, but it's been fun as well. so i've finally declared my major and sealed my fate. i know, it's not really that big of a deal. after all, i've known what i'm gonna do since before i came here. but it just sounds so final, that's why i put off doing it as long as i could. i still need to see david garman and talk to him about doing econs. after this semester, i only need three more classes to be done with IR, and after that i just need to fulfill the thirty-two credits to graduate. i'm more than done with the university requirement. i've two more years to spend here, i can make something out of myself if i try hard enough. this week is islamic awareness week here at tufts. i have henna on my hands from henna night last night. i made a mess of it though, the henna is brownish instead of dark red on my hands because i only put it on for two hours. when i got home, i got impatient and washed the paste off. so now i have ugly-looking hands. i just got back from another event for the IAW. haji noor deen, a calligrapher from china was here. this was one of his many stops during his east-coast tour. he talked about islam in china and about his work. he brought some with him for display and sell. i bought two pieces for my grandparents, two for my family and haji noor deen was generous enough to write my name in arabic and chinese, so i have that one huge piece for myself. pretty nice, i'm happy because of it. i can't wait for saturday, for kids' day. it's gonna be so much fun. which reminds me, i've to get films. who would miss the chance to take picture of kids covered with paints, stickers and chocolate fudge? definitely not me. fun stuff.

for my girls: so here's the plan...

tentative date:
6-14, second week of july

where to:
weekend of 6 & 7 - visit pak yem di stf
night of the 7 - bertolak to t'ganu
morning of the 8 - arrive in t'ganu, take the ferry to pulau perhentian
8 - 12 july - berhuha-huha di pulau
morning of the 13 - leave for kota bharu
weekend of 13 & 14 - lepak di kb, courtesy of nabe and family
14 - balik rumah dah la...

changes???

1) up to you guys nak gi stf ke tak
2) we can spend 3 days or 6 days at the island, i don't care, eveything is up to you
3) if pulau perhentian is not available, we'll be going to pantai sungai dua, which is somewhere in kelantan
4) nak gi tengah minggu or hujung minggu?
5) saper yg buleh pergi?

urgh... argh... hate it. i have allergy to an unidentified something. i could be sitting and laughing heartily for all i know, and the next moment i'm all covered with hives. it doesn't happen too often now, but it's really beginning to annoy me. just because i have begun to recognize the signs, but helpless in doing anything to stop it. you won't believe how fast the hives can come up and how long they take to disappear. and don't even get me started on how much it itches. ergh...

shioban's birthday and she's been singing happy birthday to herself since midnight. mad crazy, that one, if i may say so. vyshali's here spending the night. she's on a runaway. running away from her housemates. she's talking about staying at a b & b in davis square until the end of the month, when she leaves for home. i feel sorry for her, to have one misfortune after another befalls on herself. but i think she needs to get a grip, she's about to venture into the real world, she needs to learn to face her problems instead of running away from them (sounds like an advice that would suit me too, heh). it's almost four o'clock and the house is still rocking. i'm here, blabbing away before going to sleep, the birthday girl's in her room next to mine, blasting away music on her computer, huma's downstairs on the phone, prolly with her boy, taiwo's "napping" (her alarm clock already went off twice), and roxy's in her room downstairs writing a five-page paper. i've a ten-page paper due tomorrow, which i have no mood at all to finish. plus i've to see vida tomorrow to get her to sign my major sheet and release me for registration. i've to call joseph waltser and set up an appointment about the islamic studies program we're trying to set up. i've to call the professors for the comparative religion department telling them about the documentary screening. i think i'm just not gonna go to work tomorrow. bad me, i know. i'm such a lazy ass.

i've decided to become a true harry potter freak next year. it'll be easier to decorate my room next year, because it's real small compared to the rooms i've had before. i can picture everything very clearly in my mind already - towels hanging on the walls, a poster behind the door, figurines on the windowsill, plush toys on my bed. and if i can get mat din over in cleveland to give me his harry potter's metal plate, i'll put it on the wall at the head of my bed. i've been looking everywhere for that plate, couldn't find it. think i'll be able to convince him to give me that thing after he graduates? i rarely talk to him, but i'm practically ready to beg. unless someone else can tell me where to find that plate. anyone? heheh... then there's this watch that i want. i was in wrentam outlet and i saw a really, really cool hufflepuff wristwatch. they didn't have a gryffindor one or even a plain hogwarts. d wouldn't let me buy it then but i'm hoping the next time i go there i'll come back with a nice, shiny, cool harry potter watch on my wrist. i already have all the books and the dvds so that's all set. stacy has already promised to get me the fifth book as soon as the bookstore she works at receives one. i can't pre-order, which is pretty shitty since the price is cheaper, because i'm going home and i don't want it to arrive without me being here. i'm getting excited. can't wait to turn my room into a freaky place.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ZAITI!

i don't think i like sea conch very much. it's gooey and tastes funny.

life at home is so much simpler. at least that's how i feel. listening to and reading about people i know at home, makes me feel weird. i feel like we're living in two different world. their worries seem to be totally different from mine. to some extent i guess i have to agree with usman, i don't know why i came here in the first place when there are other places so much better for me to be at other than this land. but then again, i'm not sure i was strong enough then (heck, forget about then. even NOW i'm still not sure!) to think only about the hereafter world and not the worldly world. reading liyana's blog made me realize that i came here for the exact opposite reason she decided to stay home. she stayed because she's not sure her faith is strong enough to handle trials abroad and i came because i'm not sure i i would have financially survived through college. simply put, she wants the best for the hereafter and i want the best for now. i'm confused. i'm one really, confused, soul. it doesn't make sense. why'd i come here? i spend almost every second worrying about:
-the weather
-what to wear
-adjusting my daily activities to the prayer times
-my safety (i got shouted at even in front of my house, what more can i say?)
-who i befriend (anyone who drinks is a big NO-NO)
-words that come out of my mouth
-explaining myself
-what and where i eat
-things that happen at home
-school
among other things. that doesn't seem right. i don't know what i'm supposed to do anymore.

@#*$!!! i forgot to call my sister and she's registering into kmpp today. $%$#!

chris delaurentis came in to the media center yesterday, dressed in tux, holding a bouquet of flowers and a ring, got down to his knees, and proposed to stacy. if that wasn't the most ridiculously hilarious thing he has ever done, i don't know what is. i love all this eccentric people that i work with, they definitely add colours to my dull life. i hear that shawn is worried about all this attention stacy's been getting from chris. it's kinda cute really, until it happens to you. then it gets creepy. that's what stacy said anyway. hehehe... poor, poor stacy. chris is not going to be gone any time soon, i wonder just how long she's gonna put up with him.

listening to kabhi nahi, adnan sami and amitabh bachan's. i think i'm falling in love with adnan sami's voice. beautiful, send shivers down to my toes. guess the next thing on my wishlist is his cd, tera chehra. although if i have time i'll just burn the songs onto a cd. i need a break from this place. as soon as this semester is over, i'm out of here. i wanna go somewhere where there's a lot of greens. with water flowing, butterflies, soft breeze, a lot of sun. with a blanket under me and a book on my chest. some place where it feels like i'm in another dimension other than time. where it'll feel as if i'm trapped in a place where time stands still. a girl can dream, can't she?