i miss diah, haven't talked to her for a while.
so what do you do when you don't like someone? i have always believed that you should hate the act, but not the person her/himself. hate is such a strong word to use (although i do find myself using it frequently enough). it's hard to believe that there is no glimmer of goodness in people, no matter how bad or evil they are. if you don't like somebody, then just stay away from that person. but what if circumstances always put you in the same space, or require that you frequently communicate with each other and everything that the person does rubs you the wrong way? what then? in high school (this is talking from my experience), it's always good to let the other party knows how you're feeling, so that both of you would be aware of the hostility and don't have to exhaust yourselves trying to hide your feelings. that way, you can still work or live together while maintaining some sort of distance. many times, i have grown to respect my "enemies" (term used only to simplify things). when you are not obsessing over how upset you are with them, you get a chance to look at their other qualities (other than the bad ones, that is).
what's harder to do, i have found, is actually telling the people you care about that you don't like something about them. the group of friends that i had in high school - we had learn to overcome this, pain and heartache non-withholding. but that was high school, a time when everything was so much simpler. life is not so simple anymore. i always say, you accept your friends how they are - flaws, faults, imperfections and all. you try to help them improve to be better people, but if you can't, then that's fine. that's just who they are, and you can't change that. being a friend, all you can do is help steer them clear of situations that would bring the "beast' out. or tap them on the knees when that starts to happen, to remind them of themselves. half of the time, people don't realize how they are behaving, because they are so caught up in their emotions. i can't do that anymore here. i can't figure my friends out. who are they? what do they want? why are they doing what they're doing? everything's a facade. it's like there is a barrier in front of me, and i can't see behind it to see the real person behind that barrier. when this happens, i'm at lost of what to do. or what to say when a friend seeks advice or comforting words.
or maybe it's me myself that have changed so much that i no longer know what's true and what's not. maybe it's myself that i no longer recognized. i have to think more about this. how do you find yourself when it's gone missing?